Lessons from the back porch - Indiana Traditional Bowhunters Association

john nail · Guru

RE: Lessons from the back porch

jdemoya · Guru

John, that is terrific! Very good indeed. You are a genius!

God bless,

Jose

hillbillyking · Guru

Nothing Like 6 Saturdays and a Sunday But Pay Sucks !! !!

flingshot · Guru

Well John, thats great. My resume is not as long but here goes..........
My first job was a farmers helper I cut Tobaco but found I was better at Hitting the Hay.
Then I tried, a car wash, but that turned out to be a wash out.
Then there was the time I drove an Ice Cream Truck but the boss said the Sundeas I was eating were consuming the profits of Monday thru Saturday.
Then I tried a Service Station but that job wasn't so filling.
After that I went to work at G.E. and after 37 and 1/2 years discovered that the work wasn't so electrifiing after all and so I retired as well.
So far so good !!!

john nail · Guru

well said!

jdemoya · Guru

You guys are killers!

I love that ''word play".

Keep it up.

God bless,

Jose

john nail · Guru

I'm all for it, too. I'll just have to bite the bullet and tighten my belt!

Sacrifice is what it's all about!

The President ordered the cabinet to cut a whopping $100 million from the $3.5 trillion federal budget!

I'm so impressed by this sacrifice that I have decided to do the same thing with my personal budget. I spend about $2000 a month on groceries, medicine, bills, etc, but it's time to get out the budget cutting ax, go line by line through my expenses, and go to work.

I'm going to cut my spending at exactly the same ratio -1/35,000 of my total budget. After doing the math, it looks like instead of spending $2000 a month; I'm going to have to cut that number by six cents!

Yes, I'm going to have to get by with $1999.94, but that's what sacrifice is all about. I'll just have to do without some things, that are, frankly, luxuries.

I hope you will make the sacrifice and join me in this endeavor.

randy grider · Guru

Good way to put it in perspective John. You're just pointing out all the bull$hit that the masses have been buying from this jerk all along. Ignorance is abundant, and running rampant.

flingshot · Guru

John I don't know if I can join you. I got my pension check today and found out that the tax increase that is not going to happen, was just another Government fairy tale. My check was $33.00 less because of the increase in Federal withholding. What a bunch of #$@%&*^$@ .

john nail · Guru

Well, I don't know who's getting it, we retirees aren't! Gas will be going up, food up, clothing, up.....

-- Edited by john nail on Tuesday 1st of February 2011 08:29:07 PM

-- Edited by john nail on Tuesday 1st of February 2011 08:30:23 PM

SDH · Senior Member

Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!..

-- Edited by SDH on Thursday 3rd of February 2011 08:52:24 PM

john nail · Guru

Steve, the present administration has decreed a policy of "Equal outcome" for all people. Therefore, a new bureaucracy is being formed to insure that your food has been pooped on also......

flingshot · Guru

AWWW POOP !!!

SDH · Senior Member

It has been brought to my attention that my food poops on it's own food...........CIRCLE OF LIFE!

john nail · Guru

Gubmint and How Gubmint Works

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people, one to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created two positions, a time keeper and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year, and we are $918,000 over budget. We must cut back." So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly, let that sink in.

Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY..... during the Carter Administration?

Anybody?

Bottom line: We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency...the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember!

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977 TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

AND, NOW, IT'S 2011 -- 34 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS "NECESSARY" DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES, AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE! THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?"
A little over 33 years ago, 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports. Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports. ..............

YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK.

-- Edited by john nail on Wednesday 23rd of February 2011 03:21:39 PM

flingshot · Guru

Maybe someone should write President Obama a letter and tell him where he can save $ 24.2 Billion .........a year !!!

john nail · Guru

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon

grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this:

"Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!"

I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers,

and I voted for Obama."

flingshot · Guru

sounds qualified to me.

john nail · Guru

Dear Internal Revenue Service:

Enclosed you will find my 2011 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper, dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.

I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers (valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00.

Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5 " Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience.

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,

John Nail

-- Edited by john nail on Thursday 17th of March 2011 07:55:12 AM

flingshot · Guru

Hooda thunkit .

john nail · Guru

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman
that plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized to her and explained...

We didn't have "The Green Thing" back in my day.
She's right, back then they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles

and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant

to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over

and over. So they really were recycled.

We didn't have "The Green Thing" back in my day.
People walked up stairs, because they didn't have an
escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the
grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every
time they had to go two blocks.

We didn't have "The Green Thing" back in my day.
Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have
the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy
gobbling machine burning up 220 volts wind and solar power really
did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their
brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

We didn't have "The Green Thing" back in my day.
Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house not a TV in
every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish,
not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they
blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric
machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item
to send in the mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not
styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

We didn't have "The Green Thing" back in my day.
Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to
cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They
exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to
run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a
cup or a plastic bottle every time they needed a drink of water. They
refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they
replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the
whole razor just because the blade got dull.

We didn't have "The Green Thing" back in my day.
Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to
school or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a
24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not
an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they
didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from
satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest
pizza joint.

It's a crying shame that we didn't have "the green thing" back then!

Sent to me by an old chum

-- Edited by john nail on Sunday 27th of March 2011 07:46:00 AM

john nail · Guru

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Georgia, told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket... When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the "Toys for Tots" program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe. After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw...injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.

Now that was a well written Police report.

hillbillyking · Guru

Like that need alot more reports the Same !! !!

catfishon · Guru

POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF, GRADY JUDD

An illegal alien, in Polk County, Florida, who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop, ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A state-wide manhunt ensued.

The murderer was found hiding in a wooded area. As soon as he took a shot at the SWAT team, officers opened fire on him. They hit the guy 68 times.

Naturally, the liberal media went nuts and asked why they had to shoot the poor, undocumented immigrant 68 times.

Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: "Because that's all the ammunition we had." Now, is that just about the all-time greatest answer or what!

The Coroner also reported that the illegal alien died of natural causes . When asked by a reporter how that could be, since there were 68 bullet wounds in his body, he simply replied: (BEST QUOTE of 2009) . . . "When you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die."

hillbillyking · Guru

Even Better hahahahahahahaha Good for em !! !!

john nail · Guru

If you start with a cage containing five monkeys and inside the cage, hang a banana on a string from the top and then you place a set of stairs under the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and climb toward the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys with cold water. After a while another monkey makes an attempt with same result ... all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away.

Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs. To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment... with enthusiasm.

Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs. Neither do they know why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, none of the monkeys will try to climb the stairway for the banana.
Why, you ask? Because in their minds... that is the way it has always been!

This, my friends, is how Congress operates... and is why, from time to time, all of the monkeys need to be REPLACED AT THE SAME TIME.

flingshot · Guru

I'll go along with that. Sounds like a good idea.

jdemoya · Guru

I will vote for that. We should do that every 8 years so those guys only get two terms.

God bless,

José

john nail · Guru

The 26th amendment (granting the right to vote

for 18 year-olds) took only 3 months & 8 days to be ratified!

Why? Simple! The people demanded it. That was in 1971...

before computers, before e-mail, before cell phones, etc.

Of the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven (7) took 1 year

or less to become the law of the land...all because of public pressure.

SO COPY THIS AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS:::::

Congressional Reform Act of 2011

1. Term Limits. 12 years only, one of the possible

options below.

A. Two Six-year Senate terms

B. Six Two-year House terms

C. One Six-year Senate term and three Two-Year House terms

2. No Tenure / No Pension.

A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives

no pay when they are out of office.

3. Congress (past, present & future) participates in

Social

Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the

Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social

Security system, and Congress participates with the

American people.

4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as

all Americans do.

5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise.

Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

6. Congress loses their current health care system and

participates in the same health care system as the American people.

7. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the

American people.

8. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void

effective 1/1/12.

The American people did not make this contract with

Congressmen. Congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a

career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should

serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.

-- Edited by john nail on Monday 9th of May 2011 08:19:04 PM

flingshot · Guru

Amen